Why I don’t want women to become ‘equal to men’

Written by Jessica Eaton

04 August 2018

 

We need to stop saying that women want to be equal to men – or that we are striving for women to be seen as the ‘same as men in society’.

 

After many a frustrating conversation with people who have somehow managed to mix up egalitarianism, equalism and feminism, this blog feels timely.

There’s only so many times we should have to explain that feminism is NOT a movement to make women equal to men. Feminism undoubtedly means different things to different people, but can we stop watering it down now? The dumbing down of feminism has gone too far in the third wave. I have heard feminism defined as everything from ‘the belief that all people are equal’ to ‘feminists believe that women should be the same as men in society.’ What? Nah.

Feminism is not ‘for the equality of all people’. Feminism is not ‘the belief that women should be treated the same as men.’ Feminism is not ‘the movement to make women equal to men in society.’ Feminism is not equalism.

Feminism is the liberation of women and girls all over the world from the patriarchy and misogyny that continues to harm and oppress them as a class of people. Feminism centres women unflinchingly and unapologetically. Feminism is the conversation about women’s issues in the world; without having to add some tokenistic sentence at the end acknowledging that men also experience some things too. Yah, we know. But we are talking about women right now, so hush.

The problem with saying that we are working towards women becoming equal to men is that it frames men and male cultures as being the optimum culture or the ideal goal that women should reach to become equal.

I’m here to say: what a crock of shit.

For women to be valid, whole human beings in society – feminism has got to move beyond this notion that women are striving for what men already have. I don’t want anything men already have. None of it. It’s a mess.

If we take modern men and male experiences as the ‘goal’ level for women to achieve in personal life and society, what would success look like?

  • Would success mean that women’s suicide rates rise to the same levels as the male suicide rate because as women reach ‘equality’ they must follow the patriarchal value of eradicating ‘feminine’ emotions and expressions, including talking about their feelings and seeking help?

 

  • Would success mean that women’s cancer mortality rates rise to the same rates as men because as women finally reach the almighty peak of maleness, they also stop seeking help for medical issues because of embarrassment, and just like men do now; they begin waiting until a health problem has become unbearable before they seek help, meaning cancer has usually spread and is more complex to treat?

 

  • Would success mean that women significantly increase their rates of violent crime and interpersonal violence to match that of men around the world?

 

  • Would success mean that women increase their murders of their partners and ex partners by at least 200% to match the rates of women killed by male partners and ex partners each year?

 

  • Would success mean that women increase their rates of sexual violence, trafficking and exploitation of men and boys at an unprecedented rate never before seen in history to achieve ‘equality with men’?

 

  • Would success mean that women become the most likely group to die in gun and knife violence with other women all over the world?

 

  • Would success mean that women working in aid roles begin abusing, sexually assaulting and sexually exploiting boys in deprived areas to match the male role model we currently have?

 

  • Would success mean women in power developing regimes in which baby boys were murdered or aborted because no one wanted a son?

 

  • Would success mean that women must begin carrying out many more terrorist acts and mass murders all over the world, especially school shootings – to claim equality with the men?

 

Is this what we mean by ‘feminism is the movement to make women equal to men’? Or when we say this, do we just mean the ‘good’ bits like higher salaries and more power in society?

It’s not. This is the stuff of nightmares. No one wants this. Even people who claim to hate feminism and claim that women should be equal to men in all arenas don’t REALLY want to see this level of sex equality. No one wants this in the world. No one wants women to step up to match what men already have.

I don’t think we’ve thought through this whole ‘we want women to be equal to men’ thing. I don’t think we have realised that we have framed male issues and experiences as the goal we are all supposedly striving for, and what that would actually mean for us all. All sorts of people hark on about how women finally being ‘the same as men’ in society would mean that we were respected, paid higher wages and would be safer. It’s bollocks.

The reality is, we cannot assume that what men in have society is the standard we should be striving for as women. Men are miserable and harmed daily by the patriarchy – they just haven’t figured it out yet. Men’s rights activists kick off on twitter about male suicide rates but don’t look into the way male gender role stereotypes they support; are harming them every day. Campaigns argue that men and boys are also victims of rape and that is absolutely true – but do not admit that the vast majority of perpetrators of those crimes are men. Activists argue that men are significantly more likely to be killed in violence than women which is also correct – but the fact that more than 97% of violence and murders are committed by men seems to escape them. I’ve even seen campaigns from men’s rights activists arguing that family courts are biased against fathers and men – and there is some truth in that claim – but to them I say this:

The laws about family court weren’t written by women. The legislation about children remaining with their mothers was not signed off by women. The majority of all judges are men. Legislators were men. Policymakers were men. The research that the majority of family court attachment and bonding theory was based on came from JOHN Bowlby. A man. A lot of the legislation and policies were developed in a time where men were the breadwinners and women were the childrearers. It made sense to the men in power that women should take care of the babies and men should go out and do important man things. Nowadays, MRAs are positioning that as ‘reverse sexism’ – but actually, its a legacy from the patriarchy. The assumption that you wouldn’t want to play an active part in your kids’ lives, dreamt up, supported by, signed off by and judged by your fellow patriarchal family court judge. Think about it. Women were not in influential positions at the time these systems were being developed. Women did not orchestrate these patriarchal systems. Men did.

All of the things wrong with society at present (and all of the things that even MRAs hate about society), were created by, funded by, legislated by, demanded by, invented by and sold by men. Therefore, why should feminism support a movement of women ‘becoming equal to men’? In fact, why should we be using male experience and cultures around the world as a blueprint at all?

There is something important to be said here. Feminism is the movement towards liberation of women and girls from the oppression and control of the patriarchy – but actually, the real change will come for the world when we rise up and dismantle the patriarchy together. The destruction of patriarchal and misogynistic values benefits everyone.

As a woman who is proudly radical feminist, is a specialist in the psychology of sexual violence against women and girls – but is also the Chair and Founder of the first male mental health and wellbeing centre in the UK, serving around 150 men per month – I can see that the patriarchy is killing all of us.

Men come into our centre having been abused, neglected, sexually exploited, having suffered with mental health issues and lived in misery for decades and they sit in front of us and say ‘I thought I should just shut up and put up – be a real man and not ask for help.’ Men so harmed by gender role stereotypes that they cry in therapy and then apologise for crying because it means they are not a ‘real man’.

The best way I have found to explain it to people is that the patriarchy harms men, but oppresses women. Often times, men hear us talk about the patriarchy oppressing, killing and dehumanising women – and when we say ‘patriarchy’ they hear ‘all men’. Hence the annoying phrase NAMALT (not all men are like that!).

My view, is that if men could detach themselves from the patriarchy and see how it harms them and makes them miserable, they would stop fighting against feminism as a movement. However, and this is important, it does mean that we have to actively challenge the warped current wave of liberal feminism which oftentimes completely contradicts itself and props up the patriarchy in a number of concerning ways. Not least by claiming that these gender role stereotypes are real, innate qualities and not social constructs that harm us all.

To explain how the patriarchal values of our world harm men and women, I’ve made this handy table:

(You can zoom in on this image if it displays too small)

2018-08-04

The point is this:

Men are not the blueprint.

The current epidemic of male violence cannot be the standard we all strive for. Men are coerced into, are propping up and are being harmed by patriarchal values. They don’t have it right. We should not be trying to emulate that. We should not be striving to become equal with men in their patriarchal misery – we should be challenging and dismantling the patriarchy and its global values until we can revolt.

True change in the world will only come with revolution. Revolution is not possible if we perceive male privilege and male experience as the ‘goal’ women should be working towards in the world. We don’t want to be the ‘same as men’. Why would be want to replicate a broken system? Why would we work towards total misery and increased violence?

I don’t know about you, but my vision for women is not that we become more violent, more misogynistic, more miserable, less able to speak about our emotions, less able to seek help, more likely to bully each other for ‘feminine traits’ and so confused that we begin celebrating the same toxic masculinity that is harming us every day.

That’s not my feminism. That’s not my vision for us all.

Imagine for a second, if we did dismantle the patriarchal beliefs and cultures centuries of male power have created for us. A world where men can show their emotions without worrying that someone will call them the ultimate insult: a woman. A society where women are not objectified as sex toys to be used up and thrown away when they get older or imperfect. A world in which teenage boys are not having to visit therapists and doctors about their erectile dysfunction and addiction to porn. A society in which rape isn’t a constant threat to women and girls all over the world – and a joke told about men in prison. A life in which men can participate and enjoy parenthood in equality with the mothers of their children because they believe their role is just as important. A workplace where a pregnant woman isn’t managed out of her job because she is perceived as unreliable – but where a man whose wife is pregnant is promoted for becoming a ‘responsible family man’. A world where women can become the main breadwinners and not make men feel insecure about it. A community where men can stay at home with the kids admiring the tenacity of the mother of his kids who rakes in the cash in a job she loves.

A world where the patriarchy no longer controls women, kills female babies because they were unwanted, hacks off vulva and clitoris of women, revels in porn, excuses everything with rape myths, positions ‘woman’ as the ultimate insult to men, sells women’s bodies and denies women the right to healthcare and advice about their own reproductive systems.

True feminism is revolution. Feminism is the liberation of women from the values and systems of the patriarchy. Feminism is the movement to challenge and dismantle the patriarchy, raising new generations of humans that do not fall into the same tropes we have. Feminism is not about centring men in our discussions or our events – but feminism will inevitably support men to be healthier and happier.

I don’t want to be ‘equal to men’. I want to rip up the blueprint and smash up the patriarchy and start again with our new generations. I want us all to take a step back, breathe and realise that the patriarchy harms all of us, and claiming that feminism is about women working towards being ‘the same as men’ in society is us moving in the wrong direction. And yet, the patriarchy in power are scared of women becoming more networked and more influential – because they know it will dilute the power of the patriarch.

With all the harm done to men by the patriarchy, I find myself asking men – what are you clinging on to it for? What is it about feminism that scares you? What is it about femininity that makes you feel so insecure? What do you stand to lose if we one day break down the patriarchal powers in the world?

Once we can answer those questions honestly and with integrity, we can take the first steps to breaking down the patriarchy and the patriarchal values, myths and messages being communicated all over the world.

 

Written by Jessica Eaton

Founder of VictimFocus http://www.victimfocus.org.uk

Tweet @JessicaE13Eaton

Email Jessica@victimfocus.org.uk

532 thoughts on “Why I don’t want women to become ‘equal to men’

      1. Men are beaten, raped murdered and despised. If you are a woman you might get assaulted. If you are a man you will be assaulted. Everyone hates men, all we do is get violently beaten raped in prison and murdered in everything from hate crimes, mugging to war. Our mothers resent us and our fathers hate us. Women, quite frankly, are as awful as men. They are just prettier and better at public relations.

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  1. It’s always about women and this gynocentric society that we live in!! Women are more favored and benefit so much and to so otherwise is complete bullshit. You want special treatment but also to be treated like a man??? makes no fucking sense. You get cheaper oil changes, free drinks, most women get to sit on their ass while the men work and go to war and you still complain. You dont know a good thing when you see you it you dumbass bitch

    Liked by 3 people

    1. that’s strange cause I dont drink nor do I go out. i dont sit on my ass and I’m a single mother of three. I think a lot of men sit on their ashes too so stop being sexist

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      1. Well you know to me, since this author makes it clear she doesn’t want men and women to be equal, she thinks that men and women are different and that women are better. So, how is any sane person supposed to look at this rhetoric as anything other than a power grab? It’s just pissing guys off.

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  2. Wait I thought women where oppressed from the sound of this article it seems men are struggling n women are doin way better. N it seems that the reason life is so hard on men is because of men. Lol it’s not because life is hard and men deal with it head on alot of us without support on the contrary u have the ppl around u who act like they care about u yet jump on any chance to ruin u. N revel in ur demise. We don’t have the luxury of ppl giving a shit about us and helping us. This bitch is delusional. U spent way too much time in ur little protected female world. Which is only possible to uphold n keep because men with the support of women, who didn’t have all the benefits girls have today had to stuggle to build. If we lived in a patriachy then why are women free in the first place. Why would ur oppressorse give u freedom. Did u fight? Did u war? Lol burning bras and whining cuz u want to vote don’t count. I mean if ur kid whinnes enough you’ll give em what they want even if they don’t know wat to do with it or understand what it is they are giving.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. This feminist ideology that plays on identity politics and victimology is the same mindset that brought the rise of the communist regime.

        Pit “groups” against each other, create a victim and an oppressor. Point to a “solution” which is usually this utopia of equality based on supposed compassion and kindness. when this doesn’t produce the desired result (equality of outcome” turn to brute force. And watch your nation and economy crumble……

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    1. Some good points with interesting grammar.

      On a different note I’ve noticed that both myself and the women around me are much happier when I stopped asking them questions and just told them what to do. And assume a woman has the emotional fortitude of a 10 year old. Kid gloves… but firm. Makes a world of difference! Women really like this IF it’s presented in the right way.

      Now some women are stronger than others and things go crooked when a man who is mentally weaker tries to command a stronger woman – doesn’t work. I think most of the issues reside here. These are small examples existing in bubbles when in reality many factors are at play but my general point is made.

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      1. Exactly! The reason why women like this display of dominance is because they dislike responsibility. If you decide then it gives them plausible deniability for every decy. If something goes wrong. They can blame you.

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  3. Wow, I have just read three really, really violent responses from men,

    I think this was the whole point of the article- the author wasnt violent at all but the responses were.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. Dear Jessica,
        This article is real and raw, and I commend you for holding back on your responses to these ignorant comments. What frustrates me is that most of the comments are from trolls aiming to get a reaction, but what scares me is that there are men here who are truly opposed to the hope of liberation from oppression. I think you hit the nail on the head when you question what they are so scared of, and what is it that makes them feel so insecure. Look forward to reading more from you.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m a feminist but disagree with this article . It’s all about empowerment of all genders,races,humans to be precise . Would you write an article saying black people shouldn’t want to be equal to white people but better ? Men have 100000 flaws , black people have 10000 flaws , Jews, Muslims , Christians , females , Hispanics , everyone has flaws . We all are EQUALLY flawed . If men wrote an article discussing the flaws of women there would be an outright protest but men can be bashed publicly. Look at everyone the same please , this is concerning

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think you might need to read the literature by black activists and scholars who also hold this position, that striving for ‘equality’ with white people is not exactly what they want, they want to be respected and celebrated and exist as themselves, and not use white peoples as a blueprint they are supposed to achieve.

        Feminism is not about the empowerment of all genders and races, that’s egalitarianism. Feminism is the liberation of females from oppression and misogyny, giving them equity and safety in the world.

        Liked by 4 people

      4. How many of these supposed mysogynists were feminists pretending to be men, I wonder?🤔

        They sound like a caricature.

        If you guys are for real, you are not helping. The anger is understandable, but keep it cool. Laser focus guys. don’t give these bigots the excuse . As LOM would put it “give them nothing”

        They accuse us of violent language when their sisters talk of male genocide.

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    1. I in all honesty read about half of it and went straight for the comment section.Listing all the negative things men do that are in higher % of females and generalizing constantly says a lot about the author. I thought she actually had something intelligent to say. Nope…. goes on to list every negative thing a women does more than a man percentage wise. smh -.-

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Words are NOT violence. Using words to get your point across belittles your argument when you don’t know how to use them.
      Really real violence happens in war (FOUGHT by men, SUPPORTED by women).

      DECENT men GAVE women the vote, protests, bra burnings etc. surely increased awareness of a push for a womens vote but the fact remains.
      Men an women have different (nowadays more often than not interchangeable) roles in the modern western world.

      Free markets and hierarchical structures within business ensure (99% of the time) the best person qualified gets the position. That is until programs with quotas on race an gender come into play (identity polishits).

      EVERYONE in this culture has an unrivalled amount of liberty when compared with all human history.
      The fact someone can spend time writing; about oppression, inequality, generalised male opinions and how ‘toxic’ masculinity can be proves this point.
      Utopia does not exist.
      Modern Western life is pretty fantastic and has created amounts of wealth never before seen in history.

      The author should stop moaning it sounds ungrateful.

      P.s the word bitch is exactly that, a word.

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      1. I wonder how little you know about women’s liberation and rights movements. Suffragists did not burn their bras.
        I also wonder what compels a man like you to lurk on the internet, waiting for the opportunity to regurgitate 1970s sexist, misogynistic and endlessly disproven rhetoric.
        I wonder how many generations of men before you, and to come, will be poisoned with the same illogical hatred of all women — which is inevitably based on your own poor experience with one or two. I wonder when men like you will see the irony in your hating of all women because one woman hurt your feelings, while berating any woman who is not thankful for her oppression by patriarchal social, economic and political systems.
        Then I stop wondering because, inevitably men like you turn out to be pretty angry little individuals too scared to address the real oppression in their lives, men. You lash out at women because you’re frightened of other men.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. hey, ONE woman did things to me that would make 99% of all other women feel ashamed -just as ashamed as I feel when I hear about assholes abusing and cheating on decent women.
        what I DON’T do is go on about historical group grievances as though guilt comes with being born of a certain skin color or gender because that just spirals into more racism and sexism.
        as a humanist I stand firmly for women’s rights (AND men’s rights) . one’s dignity should not come at someone else’s expense, otherwise you end up a supremacist-just as the latest wave of feminism has become.
        I think you would find if you really dug deep into the truly toxic men you speak of , is their childhood was one of abandonment, neglect or parental abuse, just as I say about the childhood experiences of extreme feminists.
        this isn’t about wrong or bad opinions, it’s about damaged untreated people.

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  4. Unveiling article, for women and men. An understanding and acknowledgement of women’s undervalue and exploitation but an enlightenment to women’s vision and direction as a human species. Equalality does not mean to achieve and strive for men’s goals.
    We can embrace being a human women and that comes in different shapes, sizes and capabilities, honestly women don’t really know there full capabilities and what that means, as most have always lived with controlled expectations. We all as humans still have generations of these expectations to be lived through and gradually embrace change and understanding, it won’t be in my lifetime, but my energy will be part of this vision. Yes men have set there own expectations and live bonded to them as traditions, communities and society dictates, they too as human men can choose a new vision, understanding and acknowledgment, that they can live better as human men. But they too are looking for direction.

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  5. Well, that just puts this article at odds with the feminists I see who insist the proper dictionary definition of feminism is “the social, poltical, and economic equality of women.” In fact, most popular feminists I see say women’s rights is about women’s equality with that definition. If feminism is liberation, either the dictionary isn’t correct or the belief feminism is a liberation is merely a part of women’s rights culture.

    In that case, should this article be correct, the new definition should be: “the cause of liberation of women from oppressive cultures”. Somebody ought to rally to change the definition then, like history to “herstory”.

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    1. The definition you are used to is the mainstream liberal feminism definition. The definition of feminism I use comes from second wave feminism, which is the liberation of females from global oppression.
      The two definitions both exist currently and are used within the two separate liberal and radical movements

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Equality will be when men deal with giving birth, and seeing the world with crushing empathy and analytics. Then women have to deal with the hyper-focus demands of bearing sperm and beating your competition for a place to put said sperm. Women at least have each other, men hate each other and the boys club is a myth, the whole keep your enemies close train of thought is why men interact with each other at all.

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      1. Career women abandon their home and family for a career. Can’t do both well. Their heart is in one or the other.

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      2. Career women are usually very stuck up, think they’re all that, think they’re better than everyone else, and have a very bad attitude problem, and the list goes on and on. A bunch of real losers altogether.

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      1. It’s 2019. Women should be allowed- no, celebrated, in the workforce. So many women with so many talents can give so much to society, and it is pathetic that so many people still consider their jobs to be housewives and expect women to “make them a sandwich.” Such sexism and misogyny cannot, and should not, be tolerated. Such derogatory behavior cannot be accepted. If this is the mindset which you live by, I pity your lack of education and intolerable ignorance.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Definition of career: 1.
        an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress

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    1. So what are women supposed to do? Not work? This is 2019. Most grown adults have bills to pay. Many women and myself prefer not to see or use any man or any other person as a financial plan; rather, choosing to do the responsible thing and take care of our own human needs with our own human effort via work. There is nothing wrong with providing for your own financial needs in life and having a plan to do so through a career; in fact, it’s commendable.

      There is such a damned if you do damned if you don’t attitude surrounding women and work. Some men will complain about a woman working, then turn around and berate her for being dependent on him if she stays home. Sometimes these same men leave a wife who stuck by his side for years, for his 20-something year old secretary AT WORK after the poor wife stayed home, had his babies, is raising them, but now has an imperfect body with stretch marks and natural weight gain -because well, childbirth and the fact that metabolism slows and people gain fat and loose muscle as they get older. No one ages looking exactly the same unless they have some type of cosmetic intervention (makeup, surgery, etc.). Men get fat and bald, women gain weight and things start to sag. However, even though men and women are affected by the ravages of aging, many men seem to think it’s okay for women to accept a fat balding aging man, but not okay to accept their aging wife who has gained weight also. It’s such a rampant double-standard, it’s a well-known stereotype. The reality is, no woman has to put up with that or should. The fact is, we have options. We don’t need to be underfoot to any man or person; and in my opinion, I think that’s healthiest. No human being should be dependent on another, unless they are not capable of independence; and then you would HOPE that the person they are dependent on is ethical.

      Put my entire financial future in the hands of another imperfect fallible human being? No thanks, not willingly. If I am capable of taking care of myself, I will. There is nothing wrong with a woman being fully functional as a human being and planning to provide for her own needs, life, and future. Any man who is disgusted by that has a toxic mindset that no woman should touch with a ten-foot pole (or even entertain it mentally). If a woman has to be compromised in order to be wanted, accepted, and appreciated by a man, then that man has no intent to love the said woman for who she fully is, but is mainly interested exercising an unmitigated greed for power by roping her into a power-dynamic that puts him at a financial advantage over her. Again, no thanks. Relationships are about both people esteeming each other, not one person esteeming the other from a place of disadvantage.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. With all due respect guys, we can’t very well tell them they’re not pulling their weight, and then shame them for having a career.🙄 Although, funny how women never want equal representation in sewer maintenance.🤔
      My problem is with the double standard sexism they display. I think we can agree on that.

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  6. You do well to dispel the notion of feminism being about ‘being equal to men’
    But you still have a poorly misled view of ‘patriarchy’

    Everything the MRA hates is because of men?
    Basically “Everything bad for women can be blamed on men and everything bad for men can be blamed on men”
    -So fathers not getting custody is because a “man” named Caroline Norton popularized tender years doctrine after losing custody of “his” kids to “his” estranged husband?
    -So “meninism” told men that being manly was bad and that being feminine was good
    -So “meninism” labeled a voice for men a hate group with the SPLC silencing mens concerns as hate speech
    I could go on…

    Also, he biggest thing I think people on all sides ignore is the biology of the matter.
    Men and women are not the same in many different ways besides what’s between your legs and that has massive casual relationship with the ‘roles’ we play in society and our social status.
    Men are, according to evolutionary biology, expendable. Society has always valued women over men. That’s why we don’t send them to wars or want them to do hard work.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In the Industrialized world there is not a single right afforded to men that is not afforded to women.
      But there are rights that women have that men do not.
      For example, men are NO reproductive rights AT ALL.

      If a woman finds your condom in a bin and impregnates herself, or a girl lies about birth control.
      Too bad, you’re a father now and you MUST pay. Her? Nothing, she’s not guilty of a single crime, but if you don’t fork over a massive chunk of your earnings for something you didn’t want it’s 3 cold meals a day in a concrete box for you.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. “If I poke a hole in a condom it’s rape though?”

        The problem with this is pregnancy and the massive unpaid cost [most of a woman’s life].

        In the west men can and do leave most of the expense and 24 hour childcare to the unmarried mother.

        Do women deliberately get pregnant ? They are often accused of it but I don’t know.
        I do know that men often demand sex without a condom or just don’t offer to use one. Quite honestly if a man does this then he clearly doesn’t care about you or is deliberately trying to get you pregnant and financially destitute so he can then demand his own terms in the relationship. A woman should escape or dump him as quickly as possible.

        The whole free love thing is a trap to create a group of women “single mom’s” impoverished and desperate enough to agree to marital slavery. Many of them are forced through prenuptial agreements to rescind any rights to matrimonial property. They sign those agreements out of financial desperation while the man is painted as a hero for taking on a single mom that most men don’t want.

        This is what poking a hole in a condom can do to a woman.

        Power is all about money honey and because women are not payed adequately for the 7 day a week job of motherhood they are completely powerless, no matter what new freedoms there are they can be completely controlled.

        In my country NZ the average maintenance payment per child was about $14 per week a few years ago. I do know some men pay more. That covers the mother providing 24 hour childcare and all domestic services+ all food power and housing, the lot. That’s every minute of her life for $14 per week per child. About half of the men don’t pay it.
        If she wants to go out to work she needs to pay for childcare. The non custodial parent often the father doesn’t have to contribute to the childcare costs so the mother can work. Is this anything like equality????? NO!!!!!!!!

        I don’t really know the current situation but certainly in the last few decades most men who applied for custody of children have remarried or have a partner. So they have a new woman to provide the 24 hour childcare services for just the cost of their food etc. Single men rarely apply for custody of kids unless they are in a good financial situation.
        .

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    2. I mean, really think about it.
      The patriarchy from the typical feminist viewpoint is an institution built by men to privilege men.
      Then you turn around and say men are disenfranchised because of the patriarchy….

      How does that make any sense to you? How many logical wormholes did you have to jump through to think that was a valid line of reason?

      Liked by 4 people

    3. You are right. Have you listened to any of Jordan b Peterson’s lectures on social history and how these lies of equality have infiltrated the mindset of our recent generations and those ideologies will bring nothing but chaos.

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  7. Wow! This was something so good I’ve read this far ….

    Thankyou so much for giving a new n ultimately positive perspective to this issue
    Well I’m 16, n hv nothing much philosophical to say😂 but I love reading ur articles , cuz they’re hella intellectual n brainstorming 👌❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Honestly this was such an enriching article. I admit I am a little disappointed by the number of comments who didn’t get the whole idea of the article and brought out childish insults without trying to understand the point. From what I understood, personally, both females and males are negatively affected by the patriarchy system in totally, incomparable and different ways but all of them end up feeling pain, whether it is physical or emotional.
    One of the comments said that women are valued over men, really?
    I think the main reason more men go to war and fight is because they are deemed as biologically and physically stronger and this is a beneficial trait when entering the battlefield, not because women have more value so they should not take part and stay safe. it just doesn’t make sense. If men were expendable, like the comment says, then would the system of patriarchy even have existed? See? It just wouldn’t make sense.

    it’d interesting to see why others think women are valued over men

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “If men were expendable, like the comment says, then would the system of patriarchy even have existed? See? It just wouldn’t make sense.”

      Actually, it does make sense, the Patriarchy doesn’t exist, not how you think it exists anyway. You’ve literally just proved that it doesn’t exist, which is hilarious.

      Like you say – for the patriarchy to exists (in your eyes), men would not be expendable in the eyes of society.

      So to put it crudely, either the patriarchy exists or male expendibility exists.

      Women can be trained to fire a rifle, there is nothing stopping them from going to war with men, more numbers = more bullets = stronger army, even weak “cannon fodder” makes an army stronger, so that completely blows your point out of the water.

      97% of all workplace deaths are men, “men are stronger so they can all do the dying” right? wrong, many of the jobs that men die doing, woman CAN do – they just choose not to (and funnily enough this is where your silly wage-gap myth statistics come from, not privileged men, just harder working ones).

      Are you really telling me women don’t have the physical capacity to be a garbage collector? you just walk around and wheel a bin onto a machine that tips it into the lorry, a woman cant move a wheely bin? what about a farmer? have you ever seen a woman working on a farm (you seen plenty in the stables feeding the horses and mucking them out, because they like horses, do they like working hard on the fields in the harvesters? no, so they choose not to do it.

      Farming and Garbage Collection are two of the most dangerous jobs in terms of workplace fatalities, and these are places women can function just fine, but largely choose to avoid – but someone has to do it. Instead you see them sitting behind desks in sunbed shops, painting there nails, or hanging clothes up in fashion stores. Let me guess the patriarchy created this to oppress women?

      4 men die for every 1 woman, yes the patriarchy created the fact that nobody gives a fuck about their feelings. Women are NOT attracted to feminine men, women value strength and toughness in a man – how are you not coming to this conclusion when you make posts like this.

      I could argue WOMEN created the patriarchy due to their sexual selection preferences, have you ever heard a woman say she wanted to pounce on a guy after he broke down crying because he looks fat in his jeans? What about when they’re doing manual labour? All I ever hear is woman gushing over guys doing manual labour.

      YOU did this to us, we die and suffer for YOU, don’t you get it? there are many wrongs in the world committed by men, but the vast majority are good people who suffer and die because women find the traits that contribute to it “sexy”.

      Dismantling the patriarchy is to dismantle the toxic sexual preferences and desires that women created.

      Google “missing white woman syndrome” – this will teach you that society DOES have a hierarchy for how much they care about other humans based on gender, and race – and funnily enough, white women are at the top.

      Western white women are the most privileged class of human that has ever exists in the history our species, and they’re the ones complaining the most about privilege, the irony is real.

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Ok, the comments here have been reduced from reason to nothing more than a tangle of trembling hostility from men and women showing perplexment over the rage and using armchair psychology to analyze the problem.

    This is like every domestic relationship I’ve seen on TV.

    “HONEY, YOU LEFT THE OVEN ON!”
    “Why are you so mad?”
    “I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE THE OVEN ON!”
    “But…I needed to pre-heat it for dinner!”
    “I want it off because I have to pay for electricity!”
    “But you have money!”
    “MY MONEY, MY RULES! YOU JUST LIVE HERE, WOMAN! I CAN’T STAND YOU!”
    “Hmm. Perhaps he’s afraid of things not going in the way the male mind dictates.”

    I am…amused.

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  10. If you think patriarchy is gone anywhere you’d be wrong. lol, Men sat down and gave women their rights 4 decades before any feminist ideological horseshit saw the light of the day let alone a movement….It’s Men who permitted those rights and will enforce others or take them if they collectively decide to. Patriarchy is the nature of men…..The old saying goes ‘You can’t change a man, it’ a dead end’. The male is the dominant gender. Deal with it

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    1. That is so true…women think they are so superior but all you have to do is look at the makeup they wear and their clothing and that says it all…no wonder men are seeking women from Asian cultures…western women have become drunk with the delusion of power.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just like how most men are drunk in power. Which is the point of the article. It’s not something to be pursued but something to get past over. And hopefully as females get past them with feminism. Males get past them with masculinism as well. Both are good movements but they both have toxic versions that should be taken care of.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. This is the prime example of the subject. People like you make men look bad and your counterpart females make women look as bad. “[insert whatever] is the dominant gender. Deal with it.” Level: Toxic. And that old saying is actually not a real saying. Just an overused excuse. You are what you do and what you think. Both changeable. But, man or woman, only you can change yourself noone else. If you choose to close your eyes and ears. Then that’s on you if you fall behind or fall below. But that is hard because some people only have their gender going for them.

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  11. This is an awesome article. Fresh perspective that makes sense and is logically sound. I think feminism is a bit broken and all over the place now. A very sad case for something that helped humanity to be humane in the past. This article might just be a catalyst for a fourth wave feminism. It’s something I will happily support. You painted a clearer picture.

    Also, please don’t be disheartened by some here who totally missed the point and think this is just another platform for them to perpetrate fallacious nonsense and emotionally charged statements about their prejudice. They are missing on a lot of stuff. This can change the world and all of humanity if understood. I am not joking. At first I was not sure where you were going but you definitely brought us to places. This is totally one of the best there is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Are you kidding me? Radical feminism is anything but humane.These people want men to be treated like animals. It is absolutely toxic, and people see what the author really wants. She doesn’t want women to be treated equally to men. What logically must she want? Superiority.

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    1. Clearly someone as ignorant as you should be expected to write “their all that”. Can’t handle successful women? Too bad … the world’s full of’em. It’s the collection of mental issues you got that needs some serious addressing. Why do “men” like you exist?! I’ll never know.

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  12. Jessica, this is a really incredible article and it shifted my perspective. I’m going to share this with my friends and family. The people who have left sexist, ignorant comments have further proven your point. Thank you for unapologetically writing what I needed to read and for giving me hope for my future.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. “the real change will come for the world when we rise up and dismantle the patriarchy together. The destruction of patriarchal and misogynistic values benefits everyone.”

    Your words.
    This makes you sound like the Devil’s advocate.

    The Father, G_d? You have a thing about trying to destroy Him and His values? His Word is the blueprint for your hated patriarchal design…but you already know this. You have crossed to the dark side.
    You need to destroy religion to make this happen.
    You have failed for eons, but are getting close to your Pyrrhic victory, oh unclean one.

    When the power goes out, you will finally need us men once more.

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    1. Before Christianity was invented and forced upon the world there were many versions of societies, religious beliefs and cultures. Some of these centered the Goddess or Mother Nature. Later, Women who refused to give up their beliefs were burned at the stake/ drowned as witches. Any woman who refused to be silenced was violently silenced. This led to a culture of women keeping their heads down and acting meek in order to protect themselves. All the while the patriarchy was being formed and strengthened around them.
      I don’t believe in your God. I believe in Evolution. You can’t use him as a blueprint for society. Humans existed way before Christianity. Also, which version do you believe in? Angry violent God? Kind and loving God? The protector? The jealous avenger?

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      1. She-ra your cherry picking from history here to make an argument. There are thousands of years of persecution (and loving acceptance of religion) that bookend mid-17th century hysteria, produced by all religions against both sexes. Men sometimes didn’t recant or confess and neither did women; they stood up for what they believed in and were persecuted for it.

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  14. most species have a dominant gender. unfortunately for women it not you. equal right, equal pay.blah blah blah. if somebody does a better job pay them better, not because of gender. serena williams wonders why she doesnt get as much money for tournaments then men, duh because if it wasnt for men the crowds would not be as big nor have as much money. makes sense???

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  15. “the real change will come for the world when we rise up and dismantle the patriarchy together. The destruction of patriarchal and misogynistic values benefits everyone.”

    Your words.
    This makes you sound like the Devil’s advocate.

    When the power goes out, you will finally need us men once more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 100% spot on come 2020 with a global economic depression many women will quickly forget about feminism and wanting to be superior to men

      Like

  16. All I want to say is both men and women need to have equal rights from the top of the page to the bottom of the page equality for all any gender and assume responsibility for each other’s positive or negative effect that it has on them. So if men want the same rights as women and women want the same rights as men it needs to be clear-cut the same rights the same positive rights and negative rights football for genders. I know that sounds good but it also has some negative reactions as well if and when a divorce or separation with kids both parents man and woman need to pay child support for that child if you enter a contract with kids you need to be connected at the hip for both parents financially responsible and anything that happens with that kid you are directly responsible any kind of way 50/50 any other way will not be equal rights for each individual so going forward in 2019 and 2020 and Beyond make everyone be responsible for their own actions people are living creatures they are not things so they must be accountable

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  17. It’s men that mostly maje the laws, but women are the majority of voters, so the family court laws are shit because of women. Men aren’t collectivistic enough to outvote women, and there are even a bit less men than women.

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  18. Patriarchy… a word made by women to enforce victimhood. Funny how women forget which gender got the human species to 2019 no gratitude! hey ladies why don’t you just walk into your nearest RSL and spit in the veterans faces. it’s articles like this one are why I resent women and everything they now stand for the day and age of women/ladies is dead.. where left with selfish nagging bitches

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You realise you were literally grown and birthed from the body of a woman don’t you? Just checking because this comment makes it sound like men came all this way on their own.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You are NOT fucking superior to me because of your gender. I know that’s what you think, and that’s how you want to be seen, but you’re not getting it. Sorry, not sorry.

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      2. Oh Jessica…

        The old “a woman gave birth to you, so you should automatically respect women”
        Yes, A woman gave birth to me. My mother. NOT YOU.

        She has my gratitude. You have to EARN my respect. Like everyone else. Regardless of gender .

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  19. In our relationship we’re just fine with our natural roles. By that I mean I do the heavy lifting and my wife does the intricate things that’d drive me insane. She accepts shes a woman, I accept Im a man. She wants to be pretty I want to be strong. ( we both want both haha o course, u get me tho ) She’s choosing the furniture, I choose the car. Its natural to just do what your good at and help each other. You feel me? Its so simple you morons, just accept your role and be glad that you have someone on your side, who can do things you can not. This article and comments just show how sad and isolated the world we’re living in really is. Mad extremists on both sides really. So get a good partner from the gender of your liking and be happy while you can you idiots

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  20. Personally, I don’t want to be the breadwinner of the family. I work two jobs as a virtual assistant that allow me to earn income and still take care of my family. My kids have special needs and I have an autoimmune condition that got out of control while working outside the home. My husband works a high pressure job selling and closing business loans for a bank. No thank you. I don;t need that kind of stress. I’m happy working my two jobs and being able to take my ASD kid to his therapies in the afternoons and evenings.

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  21. Amazing. Another Feminist who doesn’t know the history of her own movement. One of the earliest triumphs of feminism was to get custody of children. It used to be that the father would get custody in cases of divorce. It was feminist lobbying and campaigning that changed that. Or is she now going to say that women getting the vote was due to “male legislators” and “men of power” and nothing to do with feminism? She’s also either unaware (or in denial) that feminist organisations are committed to keeping the current situation, witness major American feminist organisations like NOW lobbying heavily against joint custody. Perhaps they’re “patriarchy” too!!!!

    But it’s refreshing for a feminist to admit it isn’t an equality movement (radfems – except for the crazies who want to eradicate men, or keep a small number in some sort of zoo – don’t explicitly say this). Feminism is a WOMEN’s MOVEMENT! It advocates for WOMEN. That’s why it’s unconcerned by the fact that the vast majority of university enrolments are now women, including in areas like medicine, but is “horrified” by the “inequality” in engineering, physical science, mathematics etc! They also don’t have a problem that “gender studies” is almost exclusively female!

    The “equality” delusion comes from the time when laws tended to restrict women in public life, or social pressure restricted women’s career choices.

    This has gone now. But most “feminists” still try to claim they’re “fighting for equality”! And to do so they resort to evermore nebulous things. Now if only she’d drop the term “patriarchy” and stop pretending the world is some enormous male conspiracy we may get somewhere. I know many forthright feminists who declare that the man they marry has to earn at least as much as them (oh and they rail against the “wage gap” too). Perhaps the author could reflect on this, and consider it may not be just “social conditioning”!

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  22. As a woman this article is insulting to my intelligence. There are no rights that my husband has that i don’t and to callously state those terrible facts about male suicides and no places for men to go well suffer domestic violence, really show’s your complete lack of humanity and common sense.

    Shame on you.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. “sexually assaulting and sexually exploiting boys in deprived areas to match the male role model we currently have?” Role model?!? Mary, mother of God. Demonizing the XY chromosome for sake of argument, (to what ever qualitatively yonlogocentric ends), is a language game just as toxic as old-world misogyny, and will make a complete mess of things as well, should we scale-up and popularize this blog entry’s perspective. Just have scientists clone spermatozoa and be rid of males entirely; that’s the only way Ms. Eaton is going to fully realize her version of enlightened feminist thought.

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  24. Feminists are really femalists as the feminine cannot war against the masculine (or masculinity) and remain feminine, as you become what you fight or war against and most feminists have no clue how the CIA was behind their movement. Gloria Steinam was being fucked (in 2 ways) by a CIA operative/lover.

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    1. It’s very easy…you can find a Filipina woman very easily…they are usually great cooks and great wives. Nothing compared to the garbage that’s fermenting in the west.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Look at these type of women out there nowadays that have no manners and a very horrible personality to go along with it as well. Enough said right there.

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  25. You need to know just one thing: Modern Feminism is NOT about any type of EQUALITY its only suites one goal, which is Ultimate Supremacy over Mankind.. Yes, I do agree that women didn’t have enough rights in the old times, but what has happened now is simply indescribable. Feminism now tries to achieve destruction of patriarchy that build this world, maintains its stability and overall humanism. And yes – EQUALISM AND HUMANISM is something very close to normal Feminism (which doesn’t exist any longer), and is something very opposite to the Modern Feminism (which is more like nacizm – as it makes just one part of group benefit over smaller less prioritized part of) . Its like trying to compare genocide and holy crusade. Both takes their views and throws them against Human race. If you are true feminist, than please notice that this word is now represent unappropriated views and beliefs, both for women and men. As new modern way Feminism is about destruction and disassembling of normal family institution (Not about making something better for women or men, or humans at all) There is nothing, nothing at all that Feminists tried to improve, that wouldn’t hurt men in process(and women standing behind these men).
    Yes, patriarchy is very shaky and hurtful at some moments, but Feminism don’t give anything valuable to those who tries their best to survive, all Feminist movement does – is benefit from making mens lives more miserable that it already is (My girlfriends thoughts, by the way)

    Speaking for European Country.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Feminism is the best thing that ever happened to men. It set them free. Only weak men would decry getting to remain men but having the added bonus of sex without marriage, spending your money on yourself, etc. Because real men will remain real men no matter what women do. Nature takes care of that. Nature always wins against ideologies like feminism.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. “Would success mean that women increase their murders of their partners and ex partners by at least 200% to match the rates of women killed by male partners and ex partners each year?”
    Already does, it only doesn’t if you close your eyes.

    “Would success mean that women increase their rates of sexual violence, trafficking and exploitation of men and boys at an unprecedented rate never before seen in history to achieve ‘equality with men’?”
    Already does unless you close your eyes, which you do.

    “Would success mean that women working in aid roles begin abusing, sexually assaulting and sexually exploiting boys in deprived areas to match the male role model we currently have?”
    Already does unless you close your eyes.

    “Would success mean women in power developing regimes in which baby boys were murdered or aborted because no one wanted a son?”
    Already does unless you close your eyes.

    “Would success mean that women must begin carrying out many more terrorist acts and mass murders all over the world, especially school shootings – to claim equality with the men?”
    Not as many, but it’s pretty close. But success wouldn’t cause that, success is what allows them to send men instead.

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  28. You are not as smart as you think. Nature made it that in the human species, the man is “dominant” over the women, and that is FINAL. You cannot change the law of nature, because if you do, eventually it’ll collapse right back down to the very beginning. You’ve seen what feminism has done to modern society, when women assume power and control over all aspects of life, society COLLAPSES.

    The problem with Western women today is that they are so empowered to the extent that they are beginning to act like men themselves. See what I mean? In order to be SUPERIOR to men, women have to ACT like men! So mentally speaking, you need to be a “man” in order to be dominant. Women are now exponentially more promiscuous than they were a century ago, nowadays it is not uncommon to find a woman with a history with multiple men. Traditionally, treating female spouses as disposable was something men did all the time, and now women are treating male spouses as disposable in retrospect. Now, male slut-shaming is a real thing, while women are encouraged to sleep around the more chances they get. Is it just me, or does “modernization” of our society actually seem kind of primitive and backwards?

    I believe such “feminist” women are only envious of male qualities that the female persona historically didn’t possess. Aggression, power, dominance, that is associated with masculinity. Meekness, submission, and obedience are associated with femininity. Therefore, when you see an “alpha” woman, she is not behaving like a woman at all, but rather like a man. She uses the qualities of a man in order to get what she wants. As such, feminists hate themselves more than anyone because they need to act like the opposite gender in order to prove their superiority. In order to become more powerful in society, women needed to adopt the attitudes of men. Because I can assure you if they retained their femininity, “feminism” would not even be a word today. That’s not truth, that’s hypocrisy.

    Am I the only one who finds the relationship between a dominant man and a submissive woman inherently attractive? There is something so “natural” about this that makes my mind go “that’s how it’s supposed to be”. But when relationships have the roles reversed, it just looks so unnatural that it’s disgusting. It’s almost like both people feel ashamed that they were born with their gender and want to switch it around. Nature intended the man and woman to be different, they have different skills, structure, and mentality, and it is for that reason that they are not equal.

    And news flash: just because you put on ten pounds of make-up and thigh high boots doesn’t entitle you to anyone. Grow up and take a look at the world around you. Feminists criticize men for being entitled, yet they blatantly encourage women to be entitled themselves. Men don’t deserve shit, but women don’t deserve shit either. You want us to be “equal”, yet you freely hand out privileges to women that men once had but don’t anymore.

    Since equality is not possible in human nature, one can only be superior over the other. For the time being, women have done a fantastic job of belittling men to the point where they can’t recognize themselves in the mirror no more. This is what is known as the decline of the West. Keep bashing masculinity and keep admiring gay men, then we’ll see how long your society lasts. You are driving yourselves to extinction, so keep reminding me how important “women’s empowerment” and “gender pay” is, while your fellow Muslims outbreed you and raise a generation where misogyny rules over all and women are put back into the kitchen where they “supposedly” belong. Either way, your demise is near.

    Finally, don’t lecture me on your “women’s rights”. Nobody gives a shit about your rights, and nobody gives a damn what you feel you are entitled to. You should be thankful that you don’t live in a third world country where they mutilate women’s genitals and stone them to death for apostasy. You think anybody cares about these people’s rights in their country’s government? Learn to deal with oppression, instead of crying “we won’t tolerate this”. Because one way or another, oppression is the only thing you’re gonna get. Those who rebel will quickly get put back into their place. Hierarchies exists for a reason. When an inferior seeks the position of the superior, all hell breaks loose and chaos ensues. Nature has given you a role and it is your job to live up to it. Know your role. Keep your role. BE A WOMAN.

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      1. Agreed. But remember, these men are the minority.

        A lot of women on the other side sound like this too.

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    1. Wow. I can’t tell if you’re trolling: you seem so serious but say such ludicrous things. Replace “women” and “men” in your rant with “blacks” and “whites” (you can replace other words, like “feminist”, with appropriate words like “anti-racist” if you like). Does it still seem reasonable to you? Or does it give you an idea of how hateful, small-minded and selfish you sound?

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  29. Career women are the worst ones of all for smart men to get involved with. MGTOW today is the much better option for many of us men now since most of these type of women will just want the Rich type of men anyway unfortunately. And to think women in the old days weren’t like this at all since Most women in those days didn’t have hardly any money to begin with. So many very selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and very money hungry women nowadays everywhere unfortunately. Feminists.

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    1. I’m really confused by this. You’re saying they are career women but you’re also saying they only want rich men. If a woman is a career woman and earns say, £50k herself, why would you think she would be looking for a rich guy to sponge off when she already has her own money?
      Wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship with someone who was supporting the income of the family and helping you earn?

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      1. Career women unfortunately really think they’re all that, and they have the worst attitude problem too. Feminism is the destruction of America, and these very pathetic loser women are the real excellent reason why so many men are staying single today because of them. And meeting a good normal woman for many of us men is very difficult now since most of these women will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less either. So how in the world would many of us men be able to meet a normal woman today that can Accept us for who we really are since these moron women just want men with money to begin with?

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      2. You are so confused. How can you call them career women in one sentence and ‘pathetic loser women’ in the next?

        So they are successful career women, which makes them pathetic losers?

        LMFAO.

        Let me take some cash outta my bank to dry my tears.

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      3. Wow i just wonder, Jessica. I know you have meditated for a long time over the faults and wrongs of men. I am not saying men are perfect or have reached to its full potential. Men have long way to go, like women do. But what I am curious about all your wrting is that you have only focused at where men are wrong, especially in the affairs with women. I know you dont like men. So you want to exticnt menkind from the face of earth if it is in your power, which literally not possible. But you have, i mean feminism, have almost succeeded in destroying men psychologically, emotionally, socially and economically and politically is already succceeded. Yet your not stopping so you will succeed and when you look back after your success, only barren, drought, shallowness will be found. None will be there to enjoy your, again feminism, success because by then you have already swallowed up everything you dont like. So you will be all alone.

        Since feminism to you is liberation of women from oppression and patriarchy, i hope you have also contemplated over patriarchy attitude women hold. Since libertion of women is not possible till you highlight their fallacies, write a long article about it like you did of men.

        Since feminism is not about fallcy done by female, I guess you will have hard times to find a single.

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    2. It is a known fact that career women date up. In other words they look for men who make equal or more money. It’s a psychological phenomena

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      1. That’s interesting, why would it be a bad thing for a woman who earns £50k to seek a partner who earns around the same as her? Men could do that too if they wanted to. If there was a guy who was a career bloke and he wanted to be in a financial equal relationship, he could simply date other career women – couldn’t he?

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      2. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing I was stating a fact. You have to understand a little physiology and the ways men and women chose they’re sexual partners will make more sense.

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      3. I do understand that, but you have definitely left a comment that it is a bad thing that women who are ‘career women’ is a bad thing. So I gave you some examples. What did you think of the example scenarios I gave you?

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    3. You guys say that women don’t pull their weight, and then knock them for getting a job.

      FFS, you are as hypocritical as them.

      Criticise them for their sexism. That is a problem. You’re just being sexist.

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  30. I think you’ve missed the boat on what equality means and have used this misunderstanding (deliberate or otherwise) as an excuse to rant on about what you perceive to be faults in men. Equality in feminism refers to women having the same rights that men enjoy (to vote, to have the same employment opportunities, etc.). It’s not about stating men as some kind of blueprint or about projecting them as ideal or optimal. It’s about everyone being treated the same regardless of gender. Nobody wants women to be like men, they just want women to be respected and be given the opportunities that they are deprived of due to their gender.

    If you’re hurting for material I understand that, but I don’t think using this outlet to rant and rave about how you negatively view men is the best use of your readers time.

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  31. You are absolutely fucking pathetic! Why don’t you just be honest? You want even more special treatment than you are already getting because your life isn’t going as planned. You want to be told you’re as beautiful as the woman sitting next to you, when you just simply are not. How about you list more things that make men look worse than women. That’s something you’re really good at. Honestly, as a man, it doesn’t bother me one bit. But the fact that you’re making all the wonderful women I know look bad sure does! Do yourself a favor and stop with all the blaming and oppressed victim bullshit; you’re not doing women any favors by writing something like this… quite the opposite actually.
    Next time you feel like throwing a little tantrum just simply whisper to yourself, “Nut up, or shut up.” This really just means that if you’re not willing to put the work in to get what you want out of life, then just STFU and be happy with what you already have. And you don’t need to have testicles to live by this mantra either. I know plenty of strong successful women who do and guess what? They don’t feel oppressed either, because they’re not. I agree that you are opressed though, but the oppressor is yourself!

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      1. well..we all know you’re a fuckin entitled retard who never had a job in her life..hates men and is brainwashed by university bullshit….patriarchy built every house, road, school etc in England and invented all things on earth including the computer you spew your hate on….you want it to go away?…women in control?…good luck watch your whole existence slide into nothingness,,,,Men are the only reason you live in this modern world you hateful bitch..you are totally brainless..

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  32. I don’t think she realizes that no one is blaming women for the issues that affect men, such as high suicide rates, likelihood to get murdered, etc, it is simply that these issues fail to get addressed or fail to get the attention they deserve. Take domestic violence for example. In the eyes of society it is absolutely abhorrent for a man to hurt a woman and rightfully so, but does anyone give a damn when its the other way around? The author should also be informed that women enforce male gender stereotypes just as much as men, sometimes even more Many woman are just as likely to ridicule a man for exhibiting perceived feminine qualities. Does she not know that if a man cries or shows emotion, there are woman who are just as likely to mock him as other men? “WIth all the harm done to men by patriarchy, I find myself asking men- what are you hanging onto it for?”. The issues with feminism is that it is not about equality, its about privilege. See the difference? Equality is about being on the same level playing field as everyone else, privilege is about expecting and feeling entitled to certain things because of who you are. Also gotta love how she takes the worst examples of humanity (murderers, human traffickers, terrorists, etc.) and makes those an example of what it is to be a man, which is quite ridiculous.

    Like

  33. This was an interesting read. I can only say that I support many things you said in here. The system needs change and it is harmful and oppressive to everyone.
    I have to admit, the title was confusing and worrying me in the beginning, but I can see what you mean.
    And it was the reason why I clicked onto your side, so I guess it did its job well.
    Is there an article on your blog that presents your (or the feminist) alternative for the patriarchy? The “better” system that would come after you tear it all down?
    This is not meant as a criticism, and I don’t think I can expect you to come up with a perfect answer (nor do I think it is reasonable to expect that).
    I’d be interested to know what your thoughts on a post-patriarchial society are.

    The last paragraph of your article stuck with me.
    As a man, I think I can give an answer. But as an individual, I must say that my answer is probably not valid for men everywhere.
    What are men clinging onto the patriarchy for? – Identity, I think. It provides a sort of framework, a guide. Cultural expectation and a sort of devilish hypercycle, repeating and reinforcing themself. Like religion or being a nationalist. There are things that tell you how to be and how to behave (which for a young boy can be very attractive, knowing how you are supposed to be, what to emulate, etc.) and things that you feel you can be proud of.

    What scares men? -Upset the status quo. Men, who throughout all their lives were expecting and “knowing” that they were supposed to be “men” as the patriarchy pictures them suddenly get to hear that those things are wrong. They feel attacked in their identity. It’s comparable to saying to a devout christian “Hey man, the thing that you have built part of your identity around is actively harmful and shitty for the rest of the world.” (Just as an example. Whether you believe these things about religion or not is not part of the discussion).

    What do men stand to lose? -Well, Identity. But that is a shitty answer, so I gonna try and do better.
    Change and re-learning things you have been taught all throughout your life is hard. It’s a scary and difficult prospect. I can’t come up with a fitting metaphor, but it is just “Well, we do thinks that are hard everyday, people should just be deal with it and move on”-hard. For some people (especially, mmmhh let’s call them emotionally less stable men) this can be enough to send you into a full-blown depression, giving up part of your identity. Especially if they are supposed to do it quickly and all of a sudden (which for some men can feel that way, I am sure. Information doesn’t always follow Fick’s law of diffusion, I find).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One thing I realized later about your claims on pornography:
      Studies into the effects on pornography and its viewing habits on ED are just starting out and preliminary. There are some that claim there is a correlation between ED and porn and there are some that claim that it actually improves sexual responsiveness.
      Overall, it is too early to say which side is right (as it is frequently in science).
      But I’d be careful in trusting studies that claim a link in ED and porn (at least right now. Things might look different in 5-10 years), since many of these studies are sponsored or conducted by people who are morally opposed to pornography. Which is fine, but it is a bias that shouldn’t exist when you try and be scientific about something.

      All the other points about pornography (unrealistic expectations about sex, agressive attitudes, etc.) I would still consider valid though.

      Like

  34. Interesting article. So we can both agree that the current system is imperfect, the hierarchical stratification of society causes power imbalances, and within power imbalances domination can occur. Often, when a particularly nasty person has power over someone else, they will commit heinous actrocities to those subjugated by them.

    Men and Women both suffer under these conditions. Men and women, in one way or another, have also gained something from this asymmetry in the past. To contrast id like to highlight things like not having to go to war, or not having to go down to the coal mines to earn their morsels, of being saved first alongside children… without of course ignoring the terrible, unmentionable crimes commited against women. Most humans were slaves for the vast majority of time, slaves utilized for the gain of someone on top. This includes the vast majority of men in all of human history. Everyone has suffered and it has been a tragedy of sadism and of dehumanisation across all eras and landmasses of the Earth.

    What you call a patriarchy is simply a system of power which has attempted to crystallize power for those wielding it. That it happesn to have evolved and grown in the hands of powerful men doesnt automatically make it a male dominated system (which would imply men gain the most and women lose the most) – as your astutely mention even in the modern day, men suffer greatly due to societal norms.

    Equality has been rising dramatically in recent years, and its the very dichotomy of X vs Y which fuels hatred.

    Why is one gender oppressed, and the other harmed? We are all one, fighting a flawed status quo.

    If the system is so fucked, I wonder why are you a radical feminist and not a radical humanist/equalist? Why does your empathy not extend to the other half of the population also (as you demonstratively mentioned) suffering?

    It is this false dichotomization of a species which extends their suffering. (though I dont deny that using this lens can shed aid in categorizing different types of systematic discrimination)

    Like

  35. Poor-me victimhood complex. She wants all the benefits, none of the downsides. Now that men built the entire world, women (especially obese, lazy, short-haired types) are ready to take over, lol.

    Like

  36. What’s funny is that Feminism would completely disappear during war time.

    This whole Feminism thing.. I think I’d be willing to listen the day women unite and DEMAND you are drafted during war at the same rate as men. I’d like to see Feminism on those front lines, tip of the spear, leading the charge!

    Make an impact on something that actually matters to men. Now that I guarantee we will pay attention to. Otherwise, just stop, it’s like children trying to get permission to have extra cookies.

    Like

    1. “I think I’d be willing to listen the day women unite and DEMAND you are drafted during war at the same rate as men.”

      Men do not want women to learn to fight and defend themselves or how to use weapons. They want compliant powerless domestic/sex slaves [wives] They don’t want XX women to be privy to what really goes on during wars and gender attacks.

      Example – Anne Frank murdered at Auschwitz. We all read the diary of Anne Frank at school. What we never read were the chapters which addressed gender discrimination later removed by her father. Was Anne murdered because of her feminist beliefs or because of her appearance? Non blond blue eyed Jewish men women and children murdered because they didn’t look the way men wanted them to look.

      At the age of 12 my health started a rapid decline. Around that time I had started voicing feminist [belief in equality and entitlement to money] ideas to my father who repeatedly told me that men were better and smarter etc etc etc.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You answered by not answering, c Welch.

        He means you all want equality, until risks and unpleasantness enter the equation.

        We don’t see women moaning about unequal representation in garbage collection.

        Like

      2. You answered by not answering, c Welch.

        I am fighting for my life and being tortured 24/7. Excuse me if I don’t get around to addressing every point. i will be tortured even more for writing this.

        “We don’t see women moaning about unequal representation in garbage collection.”

        If They stopped torturing me so I could use my god given energy I would absolutely love to
        do garbage collection as long as the pay was equal.

        You are a pig by the way.

        I re-sited 2 houses and built another. [ with no man] but was tortured and driven out of every one. Did a lot of work myself like going to the dump with van loads upon loads of old plumbing wall linings etc etc etc. Lined the bathroom with timber. Lined the kitchen with GIB Some painting with a mask cause the fumes made me sic and not in a cool way. Absolutely loved it. Made a good profit. Loved it aside from being very very ill from torture and being noise tortured by neighbors.
        Have spoken to women living on farms and their husbands wont let them help with farm work [even though the women want to share farmwork and housework] because the men don’t want to do housework and childcare. We are all animals who need the outdoors not just men.

        Millions of women have died in childbirth. How conveniently you forget that.

        “He means you all want equality, until risks and unpleasantness enter the equation.”

        Women have no part in the decision making process which sends men to war so If you want us to fight wars we must be let in to the decision making process. Only when women are given equality in every sense will I agree that women should fight in wars
        Yes I have heard of women fighting in wars and the men usually put the women in the front lines to die.
        In Italy during WW2 the women would brave danger to go and get food. The men would sit at home risk free.
        Most of the recent wars have had the purpose of eliminating people the elites and male population consider to be unattractive.

        And have you read my comments about 6 out of 7 female settlers to my country dying + the 1800 to 1840 Maori tribal wars when so many women and children were killed that it took Maori a very long time to get their population up because there were very few women left to breed.

        Would you like to get Chronic Fatigue syndrome. A mainly female illness [Torture] for life or until you give up and kill yourself because you don’t look the way I like.

        War now days is covert and clean. No blood. No one knows what crimes you are committing against the female gender. There arn’t very many XX women near where I’m living they are mainly transgenders.
        So stop moaning you pig. There is barely 1 XX female face on the internet. loads of Transgenders. Looks like a global female extermination to me. Or i might just be where I’m living. I think David Ike talks about getting rid of the moon.

        By equality I mean the right to do what I want with my own life. I don’t want to be someones 24/7 slave for no pay.
        How many men actually go to war these days not many. So unless you have been to war to feed your family or were forced by conscription you have no right to expect life long slavery from a woman.
        Even then you still don’t have the right to work someone 7 days a week with no holidays for no pay and keep everything for yourself.

        .

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Blaze

        We have also had the murder of live female babies worldwide. Would you like it if we killed live male babies.
        This happened all though Europe in the 1800’s. The churches turned a blind eye. The men wanted less children so that they could get better domestic service from their wives [slaves]. Too many children and no contraception so they killed live female babies.
        The murder of live female babies still happens all over the world but men don’t talk about that or maternal deaths in childbirth. They use war as an excuse for reintroducing blanket XX female slavery when most of them have never been near a battlefield and never will.

        Liked by 1 person

  37. I think women already have us by the balls.
    They’re just starting to squeeze and tighten their grip until they have complete control.

    My high school is dominated with girls with excellent grades and they’re performing much better than us boys. (And its not just my school, others are experiencing same.)
    Its also dominated with female teachers who are filling us up with feminist ideas more and more that I actually feel us guys are inferior. Thats just one but important example.

    Its just a matter of time when they will take full control and even tho Im afraid, there is nothing we can do about this inevitable outcome.

    Like

      1. But you understand that what you FEAR might happen to you, is how women and girls have already been treated for thousands of years?
        That’s the definition of privilege. You fear that you will be treated by women, the way men treat women now.

        Like

      2. I do understand that but that is a rational fear to have.
        And sure I agree that women and girls have been treated like that for who knows how long but I disagree with it being the present. In fact I think women and especially girls are starting to be treated and portrayed as much better than men and boys (in the west atleast).

        Like

      3. Well there you go proving my earlier point. Because nobody should want to control anybody. Same goes for the men. Let’s see why would I be afraid of a radical feminist in power…..because you think every man is a fucking animal that needs to be locked up, if he doesn’t fit your ideal of what a man should be.

        Like

      4. You mean like men have been doing to women for thousands of years? Raping, killing, trafficking, mutilating, selling, buying, oppressing, controlling?

        You fear the life women already live pal. You fear that women would treat men the way men treat women.

        Like

      5. So you want women being in control and not equal to men. But why? Out of revenge?

        Why not just be equal?
        Not every man is raping or killing and needs to be slaughtered.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I haven’t said I want women to be in control – I was asking why you would be scared of that prospect?
        Women and girls have lived under Male control for millennia

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      7. Have you never considered that this whole “men are beasts and barbarians” narrative that you seem to be pushing hard is just sheer overblown hyperbole caused by feminist programming?

        Like

      8. because its total bullshit…men are superior…you know they are superior jessica..and you want them to be superior…that is what is so fucked up about women…you rally for something while you wish for something else….oh and youre a ho..and you want to be a victim all the time

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      9. Because women with power over people are as likely to abuse it. Vanessa George?

        Belgrano & Margaret Thatcher?

        The only reason women haven’t been equally abusive, is because they haven’t had the power. Now they increasingly do, and we hear more and more about them abusing it.

        You are not better or worse. You are equal🙄

        Like

      10. “Why not just be equal?” arthurbeenn

        That’s exactly what most of us gals, probably all of us want. To Be equal and treated equally
        with regard to money and unpaid work i.e. We don’t want to be doing the bulk of it. A roster is a great peacemaker. Maybe some jobs are too heavy for us so we need to trade maybe 1 hour of heavy lifting for 3 hours regular work. But there just isn’t that amount of heavy lifting in every day domestic life. We don’t want to be poor. We don’t want to rely on someone else for everything, We don’t want to be forced to marry etc. We might want male friend’s and maybe relationships on equal terms. But it must be us who decide the life we want. Then we can negotiate a fair deal with you or resentment will start brewing, destroying everyone’s happiness.

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  38. There are many of us good men out there that are being very mistreated by women since they have no manners and personality at all nowadays, especially when we will just say hello to them. And a great deal of these very pathetic women think that they’re better than anyone else. How sad.

    Like

    1. SH, I assume you think you’re one of those good men. Yet your comment is derogatory towards women. You belittle women who don’t respond to your ‘just say hello’ advance claiming it is they who have no manners and (for some reason) personality. Have you ever, ever, ever thought even once about why a woman might not be eternally grateful to a stranger talking to them? I challenge you to respond with reasons that are not derogatory to women or self-pitying to you.

      Like

      1. And when they ignore you as well, that of course will also offend you.

        There are two people in an exchange, they BOTH need to have manners. Saying hello often is just good manners

        Grow up.

        Like

  39. I think “feminism” especially in the first world nowadays is utter nonsense. I’m not saying women here don’t have things they can strive for. Yes, women get raped and harassed, but so do men! Haven’t you ever seen females ogle and objectify shirtless men too? Sure they do. Women in ads are portrayed half naked, but you know what—so are men! They’re expected to have big biceps, bring home the money, not cry, etc. Traditional male and female roles are both perpetuated in society! Sometimes I just wanna take Americans who protest everything left and right and send them to the third world or to where I’m from (Iran), where women’s rights are ACTUALLY horrid. Then they’d come back and see how good they have it here and really know what is worth protesting and when it’s just obnoxious to protest everything. Protesting has become the “cool” thing to do nowadays because I think it makes a lot of people feel good about themselves.

    And to be honest, I don’t want to be equal to a man! I like my femininity and I am attracted to masculinity. Men and women are different biological creatures and there is NOTHING wrong with that! You can be different, and your roles in a family can be different, but that doesn’t make one more or less valuable than the other. I’d like to cook for my family and nurture my children while my husband goes to work, but you know what—I can be just as educated as him and have the option to enter the professional world when I want to as well! I grew up in a family where my mom cooked, cleaned, and took care of us but she is a highly educated professional and makes as much money as my dad! So yes it is possible, and women shouldn’t have to grow their leg hair and protest in the streets to make a point. I just find it to be a spoiled American attitude.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not even actual feminists find it easy to define.

        Perhaps stop undermining other women’s choices, then they wouldn’t mind you speaking for them.

        You are condescending.

        Like

    1. “Haven’t you ever seen females ogle and objectify shirtless men too? Sure they do.”

      For me this objectification has led to being tortured severly starting at 12 yeas old. I was told by
      an old associate that I had been put on a list to be tortured and driven to suicide.

      Why did they torture me ? I was told it was because I wasn’t good looking enough.

      I was asked by one of the people who had allegedly had me put on the list why i wasn’t dead yet.

      Another problem with this is if you are a married women with 4 kids and your husband Ogles other women
      you might be very worried about your financial future and what dumpster you and your kids might end up sleeping in if your husband does more than ogle her.

      Ogling might be normal but the financial system of marriage makes it a very uncomfortable situation
      for women who work 7 days a week for no pay and therefore have no money of their own.

      Liked by 1 person

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